Missing My Children?

        "Don't you miss them?"
        That's the first thing people say after hearing that we have a large family and that our older children live in Israel (I guess the first thing they actually say is 'WOW', but then they ask the aforementioned question).
        I'm an emotional, loving person.  As a mother, I have always loved being with my children.  I never felt a need to get away for a week or two.  So how can I express the joy I have when each one of these people finds their inner voice telling them to be in Eretz Yisrael, near their siblings, living each day - each hour of each day- according to the values and goals that nurture their own personal relationship with their Creator?  Yes, I feel "hunger pangs" in my heart.  It's no more than a gurgle usually.  The conversation between me and myself has taken place enough times that it can be reviewed in a millisecond.  When I feel something missing, it means that I would feel more complete WITH that thing.  When it comes to a person, I can say that feeling did apply regarding my "beshert", my "other half".  I felt incomplete without him in my life.  I wanted to be in our home, together.  When it comes to my children (I use the singular "my" here because I am discussing my feelings.  They are most certainly "our" children.) all I have prayed for since their conception is to bring them into this world to live their uniques life, giving this world their unique gift.  I hope none of them ever felt pushed out the door.  That was never my goal.  However, I have reveled in each and every baby step towards independence; the first grasping onto a toy, first verbal demand, first steps.  Fast forward; their first "job" earning their own pocket money, their first time traveling alone.  Watching them sweat over essays, dealing with social conflicts.  All of these were rungs on their ladder towards independence.
        And ultimately, the final sign that they have permanently left home; their wedding.
        "Oh, you're going to cry at your child's wedding!"
        I don't.  My husband does, the guests do.  Sometimes the bride does.  And I understand why.  As for me, I am too much in awe.  I'm smiling from ear to ear in amazement of what is taking place.  The completion of a project that began when the pregnancy test indicated "positive".  The birth of my child is complete when they stand under the chuppah and become committed to another person.  They become whole.
        As my daughter, Eliana, spends the next little while figuring out the wedding date, where they will live, what the color scheme of the wedding will be...I am waiting to be with her and overjoyed as she takes this final step toward becoming herself, my precious daughter!
(PS Two more weddings since this post was written. And this particular kallah's baby will celebrate his first birthday in ten days,  "Ad meah v'esrim shanah"!)